orientation

how does it feel? 

i ask 

to inch away from couples sharing an embrace? 

and vigorously shake your head and hands to repel any signs of romance?

do you feel satisfied? is this what you want?

how does it feel? 

i think

when a friend clicks through photos of boys, an eager glint in their eye

"who is hotter?" they ask.

a white space fills my mind. i don't know!

it feels

not like an absence

perhaps it feels melancholy because of the consumption

of romance, of frilly valentine's day cards, of boxed chocolates in the shape of hearts, 

of the heterosexual ideal, 

or of the crooning melodies that ache and yearn for a partner. 

everywhere i look, i see couples. 

it's hard sometimes, to be okay with how i am.

and yet, innately, i know,

with time, 

it will be okay.